when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
nutella sex= disaster
either way he was missing a nipple.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
