I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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