he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
