kristin has been a bad kristin
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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