Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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