Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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