This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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