my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He passed out mid-signature
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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