wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
