I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
