listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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