I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
