What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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