There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He? As in you personified your dick?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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