Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
