Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize