i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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