I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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