oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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