dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
