Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
