Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Randomize
