So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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