omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i think i have two assholes
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
3pm strippers are depressing
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
