I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i dont even know how to be here
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
