somebody snuck up and got me drunk
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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