$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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