Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I have fence marks all over my body
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
