Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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