Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
now i know why i became what i already was.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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