I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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