A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
