I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize