when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
