I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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