be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
