Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
