they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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