Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
