I hate your face
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
