Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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