do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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