You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
