You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
