Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize