he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize