I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
