I CAN MOONWALK!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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