Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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