how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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