im drinking this country out of the recession.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
