Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
