Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
