The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I have post one night stand depression
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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