I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
