girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize