Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I DEMAND FORESKIN
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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