one might say we're banned from that church
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
