Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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