Having a random hookup so left but love u
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
