That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
