I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
