YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I stole a fireplace last night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
