sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
