Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
