fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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