Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
