Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
