dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
