At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
only if we run a train.
done.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
