I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
