does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
