During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she told me i tasted like america
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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