just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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