Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
