Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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