So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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