Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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