You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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