so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
