evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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