i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
