Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
