I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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