He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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