We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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