Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So gin and wine won't be happening again
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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