Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize