Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
