is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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