She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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