Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
