I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She even gives head with a lisp.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
