He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
